Staticness

I am studying physics and even though it's very unlikely for me to follow a career as a physicist I would consider myself a scientist. What does that mean? Well, not only do I currently love the song 'The scientist' by Coldplay but I do also observe the world and people around me. I then give hypothesises about why things are the way they are and try to assume what will happen next. 

Why do I do that? I don't really know but it's the way I have always dealt with things. This is why I tend to overthink things, but I am relatively good in it, at least that's what I think. This is why I trust my hypothesises so much that I rarely ever try to challenge them once I've come to a conclusion.

Why is this a problem? sd

A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it. - Max Planck

Because it prohibits change. The world and especially people change way to far, so static assumption will only hold true for a short amount of time. I now know that I presented myself last year as a person with traits that had ceased to exist years ago. For example I have always described myself as independent of compliments and attention, not caring for the outer appearance of others, controlled and as an introvert. When in fact I seek attention and compliments, I am very picky when it comes to the looks (and everything else), I genuinely enjoy talking to other people and I am sometimes not controlled at all.

Has this been a long term change? I think yes and no. All of those statements were true about 7 years ago, when I was younger, hadn't lost 40kg of weight, was not as confident with myself and probably even more depressed than I am right now. I had adapted to not ever getting compliments since I was not really talking to people, not working on myself and not good looking. I could not talk to new people because I hated smalltalk and was unskilled in speaking with people who didn't share the same interests as me. 

I think I lost part of this idea of a static me, when Tim Pritlove said "I am many personalities, which one would you prefer?" when asked about his personality at 32c3. I still hadn't fully given up on it, but now I understand: There is many me (mes? Yes, I'm a mess). They change depending on the persons who surround be, my sleep, the season, the food I eat, the hormones released into my system.

What to do about it? There is not much I can do about it. I will most certainly be subject to change at any given point in time, which is good, because without change there will be no improvements. I for example use it, because I actually change my behaviour when speaking in English. This is actually why I write this blog in English: I can connect better to my emotions. But other than that I can't really to anything. I need to accept myself for who I am before I can move forward. In any situation I can just try to be the best person I can be and accept the outcome. This means I really have to give up the controlling part within me.