A year of why?

It happens to every single one of us. One day we wake up and we just wonder why we're doing all that stuff that doesn't really mean anything to us? For most people in my parent's generation this was called the midlife crisis as it was striking people in their 40's or 50's when they are pretty good in what they're doing professionally, the children have grown out of their teens and they finally understand that they've wasted a pretty big part of their lives chasing money or whatever was driving them. 

My generation however is obsessed with doing everything right in the first place. Don't make a mistake. Don't get into the treadmill of work to fast. Take a year of between school and university, do a work and travel, change jobs in between... . I've always been like that. Even though I couldn't afford to take a year of and I was kinda rushing through my studies, I never wanted to do anything meaningless.

I didn't write a lot of blog posts during the last year as I was jumping from one thing to another, but when I decided to go back to my blog and start writing again, I thankfully read my pages "Who I am" and "Me in 2021" again. What I found was that I had lost touch with the me of a year ago.

I started this blog because I want to help others, but for the better part of 2017 I've been fairly egotistical. I spent 4 months of 2016 more or less full-time in an unpaid refugee project in Berlin, yet I've hardly met any of my new friends. I've spent half a year obsessing about my position in the startup I've been working for, thinking about coding projects I wanted to get done in order to eventually cash in on those projects in one way or another. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and way to high cholesterol: At the age of 25 I'm taking 3 pills every day.

Reading those ideas I had for who I am and who I want to be, reconnected me in some way. I would recommend you to do something like this and revisit it every now and then. I made some changes to those pages and I'm certain that I'll be changing a lot more in the future, but some things are not meant to be changed that easily. Changing them will make you feel uneasy, stressed and you won't like the position you're in. I'll see if I can stick to that and what kind of conclusions I need to draw from there.